


play until I sleep

by jongdae (babykibum)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 05:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14230548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babykibum/pseuds/jongdae
Summary: all the warmth of the water has gone inside the bathtub. kyungsoo is so... very tired.





	play until I sleep

 

 

There are soft knocks against the door.

Kyungsoo stares at his hands, prune-like from having stayed in the water for too long. The water has gone cold inside the bathtub. Shivers have been working down his spine, his whole body—but he stays. Kyungsoo closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and goes underwater, stays for a while until his chest constricts. When he breaks the surface, sucks in deep breath and right hand grips the side of the tub, there’s Chanyeol standing by the doorframe, hands hanging on his sides awkwardly.

Chanyeol doesn’t always know what to do. He’s seen Kyungsoo like this, has been beside him but it always… makes him look small—not knowing what to do, how to act. His eyes look soft. Chanyeol has always been kind and sweet on Kyungsoo.

“Will you come out?” Chanyeol asks, his voice small. “Soon?”

Kyungsoo gathers his legs and presses them against his chest. He leans to his right, lays his arm along the surface of the tub, chin resting on top of his left knuckle. He peers up at Chanyeol and doesn’t say anything.

Chanyeol steps inside the bathroom, walks slowly in two, three steps until he’s by Kyungsoo’s side. He drops to the floor, on his knees, and there are arms collecting Kyungsoo into an embrace. It’s… warm. Chanyeol is so warm. Kyungsoo pinches his eyes shut and his left hand takes a hold of Chanyeol’s shirt.

“It’s cold,” Chanyeol mumbles, lips against the crown of Kyungsoo’s head. “Will you come out soon?”

“I don’t know.” There are many things Kyungsoo doesn’t know, many things he cannot make sense of right now.  Why is the mind heavy with thoughts his heart wishes he’d do away with? Why does it feel like his heart is being pulled downwards, sinking right into his stomach until it feels like all the cockroaches would scream inside, demanding to be out? No butterflies flutter their wings inside him. Only roaches—ugly and dirty and creeping within everything of him. Kyungsoo hates it, hates that he could even feel them on his fingertips.

When Chanyeol tries to lift him up, Kyungsoo stiffens. Chanyeol sniffs, lets him go. He finds Kyungsoo’s eyes. Chanyeol’s eyes look like a puppy’s it brings a small smile on Kyungsoo’s lips. He brushes his finger across Chanyeol’s nose and cups his cheek and Chanyeol rests himself there.

“I love you,” Kyungsoo confesses. It’s quiet, it’s cold. Chanyeol’s face blooms into a smile so fond Kyungsoo’s heart beats eight beats at once. Always and never without a fail it beats like this. He turns his face in Kyungsoo’s small hold and kisses the inside of his palm softly. Kyungsoo can feel his dry lips, chapped and rough.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol says. He’s holding Kyungsoo’s hand in his. His hands are big, they close on Kyungsoo’s own hand like the petals of flower protecting its bud. “Can I come in?”

Kyungsoo nods and Chanyeol, tall and large, everything that Kyungsoo is not, comes in. He doesn’t take off his shirt, his jeans and Kyungsoo has to move forward in the tub when Chanyeol stubbornly settles himself behind Kyungsoo. The water sloshes, spills out from the tub and Chanyeol’s long legs align themselves along with Kyungsoo’s, caging Kyungsoo in them. His arms circled around Kyungsoo, on the sides of his shoulders, across his collarbone. Chanyeol drops a kiss on the top of Kyungsoo’s head, leans forward and hooks his chin over Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

Kyungsoo laughs. His cheek brushes against Chanyeol’s and Chanyeol presses in, mush their faces together. His thumb caresses the skin beneath Kyungsoo’s collarbone and Kyungsoo exhales.

“What is on your mind, Kyungsoo?”

“Everything.” Kyungsoo sighs, leaning back and melting the entirety of him onto Chanyeol. He hasn’t known how heavy he feels, how heavy his shoulders feel until he has settled back into Chanyeol, let himself loosen and crumble onto his ground. Chanyeol has always been solid in his presence.

“Everything and nothing at once,” Kyungsoo says. “They run so fast I can’t even catch a strand of thought properly before it slips by, and it runs around along with others in a circle that never breaks. It’s exhausting and I’m tired.”

Chanyeol hums. His hands spread and they touch Kyungsoo on his chest, his stomach, the inside of his arm. “You’ve been in your head on your own for too long. Come out.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Chanyeol’s touch comes down to his thighs, the caresses heavy. He kisses along the column on Kyungsoo’s neck, chasing kiss from Kyungsoo’s lips until Kyungsoo relents and turns to his side. Chanyeol has stolen thousand kisses before, and Kyungsoo is giving him this openly. Tongue and teeth and soft bites. Chanyeol’s hands would leave bruises on the inside of his thighs from how strong he’s holding Kyungsoo there. He’s never really known his strength sometimes, in his frustration. Kyungsoo is really sorry… for making him like this.

“Sorry,” he mutters against Chanyeol’s lips, harsh breaths fighting amongst themselves.

“Don’t,” Chanyeol says, holds Kyungsoo’s face in his hands. His eyes are warm, alive, heated. “I love you too.”

“I know. And I’m selfish enough to keep you.” Kyungsoo holds his gaze—always, always. Chanyeol’s thumb presses against the bottom of his lip. His fingertip is rough on Kyungsoo’s own chapped lip.

“You think... so poorly of yourself, sometimes.”

“It can’t be helped. Maybe I’m built in like this.”

“That’s not true. No one is built sad. I’m sorry you are like this now. I hope I can make you feel better.”

“You do. You help. You always do try. Before, I thought I would have find peace in being in love, that love will certainly make it all better.” Chanyeol drops a kiss on his nose. Kyungsoo laughs softly. “You always try to kiss it better. In some way it does. But… not always. It’s difficult. But knowing you are here, for me. That… helps.”

“I know. I could try to kiss them all away, all those monsters in your head. But I can only try. I know it needs to be you to chase them away. And you don’t need to do it all alone. You have me. I’ll help you chase them away. I’ll kiss them, make them startled enough and you can kick them away.”

“Yeah?”

“Send them to hell, Kyungsoo.”

“Working on it,” Kyungsoo mumbles. Send them to hell. For a long time, Kyungsoo’s mind has been the hell manifesting demons by itself. Where to cast them away? Which hell do they belong to now? Kyungsoo’s mind, at times, is no longer a fiery pit of destruction. And Kyungsoo can breathe easy. If it’s not hell any longer, have it been replaced by something calm? Can it be? Kyungsoo’s forgotten how it feels like, to be a child running through the mud and uncaring. Careless and full of mirth. Chanyeol is that safe place now, his safe place, of whatever happens, he has Chanyeol to fall back into.

“Slowly, okay?”

“Okay.”

Kyungsoo turns around, stares up at the ceiling and Chanyeol pulls him right back into his embrace. Kyungsoo’s back presses warm and cold against Chanyeol’s shirt. It’s beginning to soak through.

“You need to get out, Chanyeol.”

“Not without you.”

Kyungsoo sighs. It’s cold. He’s been shivering for a while now.

Chanyeol’s the first one to get up, spilling out more water from his big movement. Kyungsoo turns around to see him and Chanyeol’s jeans and shirt are heavy with water that rains down on Kyungsoo. Chanyeol chuckles, soft, and then he’s out of the tub, offering a hand to Kyungsoo who’s gripping the side of the tub like it’s his lifeline. Chanyeol bends down, pries Kyungsoo’s hands away from the tub slowly, finger by finger like he’s coaxing a shy animal to come out from underbrush. When Chanyeol pulls him up, Kyungsoo obliges, stepping over to meet cold tiles beneath his feet. Chanyeol quickly envelops him in a soft, huge blanket and making a cocoon of Kyungsoo. Like this, Kyungsoo can only stand and stare as Chanyeol begins to remove his clothing, stripping everything down, unashamed; bare for Kyungsoo to see.

Kyungsoo feels… the entirety of Chanyeol is a place where his heart has roots. Chanyeol smiles at Kyungsoo, takes his own towel to dry himself and wraps it around his waist once he’s done.

“Come on, come on,” Chanyeol’s saying as he guides Kyungsoo out of the bathroom, pushing Kyungsoo gently by his shoulders, his hands outstretched like a child playing train with his best friend. They move forward, out into the hallway and into their bedroom where Chanyeol hugs Kyungsoo around his middle, lifts him up and dumps him into the bed. Kyungsoo lands on his side, frowns up at Chanyeol and is met with fluttering kisses from his forehead down to his lips.

“We are going to sleep,” says Chanyeol, peering down at him.

“It’s only late afternoon, Chanyeol.” The darkest rays of the sun are still spilling into their room, filling the space with deep orange and yellow. If Kyungsoo falls asleep now, he’ll wake up somewhere in the middle of the night when the world is at a standstill.

“We can sleep until dawn is breaking. And if we wake up somehow when it’s dead somewhere, we can get something to eat. I’m guessing we’re both going to be hungry by then.”

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “You are messing up my sleeping pattern. A bad influence, don’t you think?”

Chanyeol is so close to him now. Kyungsoo can feel his breaths ghosting across his neck, and a chuckle sounding near his ear. “Just this once.”

And then Chanyeol is rolling him to the other side of the bed, his towel unravelling as he goes. Kyungsoo stares up at the ceiling, spread wide across the bed, bare and naked. Chanyeol jumps to his side like an excited child, losing his own towel along the way before pulling on their thick quilt over them.

There’s comfort waiting for Kyungsoo here, he knows this. Chanyeol pulls him close, breathes him in, chasing some scent from the crook of his neck. Chanyeol is small in his own ways, fitting his body perfectly against Kyungsoo’s. It’s so… warm. The contact against Chanyeol’s warm skin is so very comforting. Kyungsoo’s eyes are heavy with everything that has weighed him down, and heavy with the humming of Chanyeol lulling him. Chanyeol’s hand splays across his chest, his fingers rubbing in circles. Round and round, Kyungsoo can feel them tracing him.

Kyungsoo gives in to sleep.

 


End file.
